Taken 2: Far

Half a Guinness. Now.

Let me make this clear: I really enjoyed the first Taken movie. Actually, scratch that - I thought it was brilliant. It's basically an hour and a half of Liam Neeson doing a really shit American/Irish/who-fucking-knows accent whilst wandering around Paris beating the shit out of Albanians and rescuing his kidnapped daughter from a life of sex slavery. That's pretty much it. There are loads of really cool fight scenes, shoot outs, car chases...and to be fair, the story is perfect for this kind of mindless action movie. Liam Neeson is a man who possesses a very particular set of skills, he just wants his daughter back...or he will find you - and he will kill you. If you haven't seen this movie, get the fuck off the internet  and go find the DVD in a bargain bin somewhere. I'll wait.

Right - now we've got that out of the way, I'll begin. Taken 2 is fucking wank compared to the first one. It's a step too far. The first movie was acceptable, even with it's slightly outlandish plot, because it pretty much just came out of nowhere. Taken just appeared and it was all leather jackets and bent Parisian cops and explosions...and just a guy trying to rescue his little girl. Taken 2 is pretty much the same...but it just feels a little bit old. They've taken (hehe!) the plot of the first movie, tweaked it slightly, and then shat out a half-arsed cash-in. Sure, there are fights, a few car chases and Liam Neeson skulking around in a leather jacket smashing people's faces in with iron bars...but it just feels so hackneyed. It's like the director thought "well, they liked this shit in the first one, so here's some more!" Well, prick - the first film at least retained a (admittedly very slight) grip on reality. It didn't involve the lobbing of grenades around one of the most heavily populated cities in Europe...with no repercussions. It didn't involve a chase scene that lasted 10 minutes and consisted of constantly repeated sound bites of Liam Neeson shouting "go...faster!" while his daughter squealed "I can't!" (she could - she's driving a fucking Mercedes). It didn't climax with Neeson pushing a bloke's head onto a coat hook. Taken 1 was an out and out revenge movie and for that I salute it. It doesn't pretend to be anything but. Taken 2 on the other hand has some pretentious crap about the father of the tortured child kidnapper from the first film (the guy rigged up to the mains by his knees) coming out of retirement to find and kill Neeson and his family. This is nonsensical on so many levels, but there we are.

I noted that several of the reviews I had read gave Taken 2 a pretty harsh time, but I put this down to the overly negative view most 'professional' reviewers have when it comes to anything that isn't shot in black and white with a Spanish soundtrack. Upon viewing it myself, I have to say that, even as an action film Taken 2 is below par. And the final scene? Don't get me started. Go and watch it yourself and tell me it's anywhere near as good as the first one. If you disagree, know this: I have a very particular set of skills.