Tuesday 21 August 2012

A Right Royal Clusterfuck

They say a picture speaks a thousand words. They, whoever 'they' are could have a point. What these words are though, I have no idea. After uploading yesterday's flurry of Manchester-themed photos, I was looking through the Pictures folder on my laptop and I came across this:


It's a bit of a random one, but these are the words that it speaks: I took this while I was getting ready to march out of some barracks in London on the day of the Royal wedding last year. I was part of the naval contingent who lined the street immediately outside Westminster Abbey, and we had to march through London to the Abbey and do all the rifle drill etc. on the march. If you look closely, you can see Prince William on the TV screen - we were all watching the proceedings on BBC News before we went outside to form into our companies and march down to Westminster. We did 2 weeks of drill training prior to the event, which involved 'learning' how to stand still for up to 3 hours at a time - which sounds easy enough, but try it holding an SA80 rifle...they're light enough initially, but after a while it feels like you're holding a particularly large cartoon anvil under your arm.

The march out to Westminster went well enough, and to be honest I actually felt quite patriotic seeing all the crowds and all the Union flags fluttering in the morning breeze. The whole world was watching and it felt quite amazing to be part of the event. Obviously, I missed the actual ceremony because I was stood motionless outside Westminster Abbey as it was going on, but I did see a Horse Guard get flung from his horse right in front of me as it reared up - that shit was worth the admission alone. After the Royals came out we did the salute as they went past in their carriages, then we all 'fell in' and attempted to march back to the barracks with the Royal Marines band playing music ahead of us. Unfortunately, we hadn't rehearsed this at all and we were all out of step: it was a total clusterfuck and I wanted to die of embarrassment - but you've got to take the rough with the smooth I suppose. Except when it comes to peanut butter: in that case, it's never smooth. Always crunchy. But I digress.

I'm not a royalist or anything, but to be involved in the day was quite special and there aren't a lot of people who can claim to have been involved in a Royal wedding.

9 comments:

CageFightingBlogger said...

Wrong. I've just had smooth peanut butter on toast. See your local Tesco, beehatch.

Tom Charnock said...

I didn't mean it doesn't exist - I merely implied that it shouldn't. Smooth is almost as horrific as the way you completely missed the point...Oh Matt: face-palm.

CageFightingBlogger said...

That was not made clear in the main body of text. People who are more in tune with your irreverent, nerdy humour may have spotted it. "It should never be smooth" would have, erm, smoothed that out.

Tom Charnock said...

Irreverent nerdy humour? You flatter me Monsieur! Waaaait...what are you after?!

RealChicGeek said...

Please, sir, I want some more (in my best Oliver Twist voice)! More pics please. Can never turn a blind eye to men in uniform!

This argument is juicy! Guys throwing slants over PB? This is freakin funny!

I agree, smooth PB can quickly become a tacky travesty in the mouth, but it's still good for PB & J. Chunky PB best right out of the jar!

Tom Charnock said...

When you say PB & J, what does the J stand for? Careful now...this could become a 3 way argument...

Also - you really don't want to see any more of that uniform. The village people have nothing on the Royal Navy.

RealChicGeek said...

I'm not falling into that trap! I've gotten schooled by a Brit in the past on jam versus jelly. Since us Yanks created the dang sandwich, though, our word should stick.

Just searched Royal Navy on You Tube. What's with the Steve Urkel pants? You wore those? Haha

Tom Charnock said...

Heh heh! You passed the test...well done! I have no idea who Steve Urkel is...but the No. 1 uniform (the sailor suit) features horrid flared trousers. The day to day uniform was more combat/cargo trousers...but yes, I wore the horrendous bell bottoms. Occasionally.

RealChicGeek said...

What?! They didn't show Family Matters in the '90s in the UK? Another travesty! Dude, here you go- Steve Urkel

They also wear bell bottoms in the US Navy. What's occasionally? Every weekday ending in the letter Y? No, cargos seem nice...