Erm...new (old) phone and car. Yay!

My new phone/PDA thing arrived at the tail end of last week. I was beginning to give up any hope of ever receiving the damned thing after several fruitless trips to the post room, and the logging of 'negative feedback' on ebay seemed inevitable. But alas, it came on friday and I was overjoyed. This 'joy' quickly turned to abject horror though, when after ripping the box open and putting my sim card in, I discovered that the device wouldn't switch on. Devastation washed through my body as I sat there cradling the thing in my arms like a wounded soldier. All the scene needed was some rain and a muddy field for me to kneel in. I tried various different plugs and USB cables - none of which would charge the thing and even with the battery out and the mains connected there appeared to be no power entering the unit at all.

A little digging around on the internet proved useful though. An ancient forum, long since abandoned by it's members held the answer to my conundrum. Apparently, if the XDA's battery gets to a certain level of, erm, deadness, it simply will not boot at all. So, what you have to do is 'jump start' the battery with a bit of juice. So I stripped down a USB cable to it's four basic wires and blu-tacked the positive and negative power wires to their respective electrodes on the battery...and then plugged the other end of the USB into my laptop. To be honest, I was expecting a spectacular pyrotechnics display that would spell certain death for my laptop, battery and probably the whole electrical infrastructure of the building. But happened. I left the battery 'charging' whilst I made a cuppa and when I came back I slotted it into the XDA. I turned it on. IT WORKED!!! I quickly plugged in the proper USB power cord and it began to charge. The relief was unbelievable.

What I mean to say is that my phone came, I thought it was fucked right out of the box, but then I got it working. And I'm glad I did because it's a storming bit of kit. Sure, it's a bit of a brick and is uncomfortable to put in your jeans pocket, but it's essentially a handheld PC and it does everything it needs to very well. Running Windows Mobile 5 and with features like wi-fi and stuff it's a superb little (massive) phone. I'm sure the iPhone would kick it's ass in terms of features and cool 'apps,' but to be honest I don't give a flying shit. It cost me £40 and I reckon I look like less of a cunt than the average iPhone user when I get it out to text in the street. Obviously, when my upgrade rolls around in January I'll probably get yet another new handset (that new Palm thing looks alright), but until then the XDA Mini S will do for me.

Proton Impian. No, I'd never seen one before either.

Apart from new(ish) phones, this week saw me acquire a new(ish) car. My old one was a Vauxhall Vectra 2.0 SRi, which sounds quite impressive. And it was - it went like shit off a shovel...but unfortunately so did the petrol. So I sold it to a mate and then went off in search of a newer, smaller alternative. What I've ended up with is a Proton Impian. Now, 'Impian' is possibly the worst name I've ever heard for a car - It doesn't really conjure up the same kind of images as 'Mustang,' 'Spyder' or 'Veyron' does it, but like a book, it shouldn't be judged by it's name. Or summat. Now, I didn't know this but apparently Proton is owned and run by the Malaysian government. Strange but true. Also true (I think) is that Proton and Lotus are the same company. Or summat. But I digress. Ultimately, I wanted a car of similar size to the Vectra but with a smaller engine and better fuel economy. And that's what I got with the Impian. It sounds like it's got a fucking hair dryer under the bonnet at times and only has a shitty tape player/radio built in as standard...but it feels really light to drive - totally opposite to the Vectra which was a lumbering beast of Armageddon in comparison, only rearing it's roaring head to devour a star system every now and then. Furthermore, the Proton has a very basic dashboard display. That's something brain-dead Max Power reading chavs may see as a bad thing, but for me it's a godsend - no more fucking messages popping up on the trip computer mithering me to check this or replace that. Now if something's fucked, I can drive on in beautiful ignorance until black smoke fills the cabin and flames spew out from under the bonnet like I'm driving a Nicholas Cage-sponsored stunt-car. Simplicity, people, is what I'm all about. And ignorance. 70/30 split.

Unfortunately, I have no tales of drunken stupidity with which to regale you on this occasion. I did go for a few beverages last Saturday night after watching that pathetic England display against Brazil, but I could feel myself becoming very, very drunk by about midnight. You know you've had enough Strongbow when all you can taste with every mouthful is the bitter-sweet tang of battery acid. So I stumbled out of the club and got a (fucking rip-off £20) taxi home. But not before ordering a big old greasy donner kebab...

Old habits die hard.

Modern Whorefare

So Modern Warfare 2 came out today. Hoo-fucking-ray! Anyone'd think the world had stopped on it's axis the way people are going on about it. What's the big deal? There was an item on the fecking news this morning about it, for God's sake. It's the sequel to a game that has you shooting generic middle-eastern terrorists (or 'rag heads,' as many of my colleagues refer to them) with a selection of generic weapons. In a selection of generic middle-eastern towns, cities, slums etc. In a word (actually two words, technically): it's GENERIC. I've not even played it and I'm BORED of it. Yawn.

Okay, the first one was entertaining in places - that level where you get to blow shit up with a helicopter mounted gun was quite good...however I have to admit to finding Gears of War 2 much more fun. Maybe, once I find myself with £50 to spare I'll wander mindlessly into GAME and buy a copy. But to be honest, I'll never have a 'spare' £50 so that'll never happen.

The guy who lives down the corridor from me has obviously been out and bought Modern Warfare 2 though, because as I sit here writing this crap, all I can hear echoing up the void between our rooms is a cacophony of simulated gunfire, floor-shaking explosions and Americans shouting macho shit. I'm pretty sure I also heard the ubiquitous "MEDIIIIIC!" at one point too. How depressingly predictable. Why this man plays computer games at over 20,000 decibels I will never know, although on the odd occasion that he does open the crypt-like door to his domain, I have glimpsed the 60+ inch projector screen that he plays them games on. When I saw that, I realised that 'moderation' is not a word in the cretin's vocabulary.

Today saw me liberate myself from the Prison of Daylight(TM), too. As I mentioned in my last post, I have taken up road-running and since the clocks went back my window for getting out and pounding pavement has been severely limited. That's because I was wary of running in the dark...but no more! I have bought a simple yet brilliant little device...which in reality is a flashing LED on a bit of elastic that can be placed around the arm so that motorists can see you in the dark. Look, I never said my life was exciting. I also bought some new Nike running trainers since my Saucony ones shrank after I put them in the washer and then tried to dry them out by placing them, quite innocently, on a radiator. Silly me, putting wet shit on a radiator, eh? Fucking twats could've put a label inside their hideously expensive trainers saying 'do not put on a moderately warm radiator in case these £80 trainers shrink.' That little escapade actually happened last week so between then and now I've been running in some old Reebok Classics. A word of advice: don't run in Reebok Classics. I now have a blister that goes three quarters of the way around the big toe on my right foot and am in constant agony whenever I walk. So there you go.

Bought a new phone on ebay too. Well, I say new but what I actually mean is used. Hopefully not by the kind of person who shoves cheese into every little nook and cranny of every electrical device they own. And hopefully, it'll arrive tomorrow. Hopefully. That's the thing with ebay - the waiting for the item to get posted. And then the waiting for the item to get delivered. It does my fucking head in waiting for shit to arrive, it really does - especially when the item is an XDA Mini S PDA phone thing (above) that looks about 500 times better than ANYTHING I've ever owned in my pathetic life before. It's got a touch screen, wi-fi, a FUCKING STYLUS!!!!!!! I'm so excited I could spunk in my kecks at any given moment. But where is it?! WHERE?! Please GOD let it arrive tomorrow...

Optimism

Hello there. Does anyone actually read this shit? I'm guessing not, but I'm fucking bored so I'm writing this to entertain myself. Can't believe it's been 3 months since I updated this blog. Mainly through lack of motivation and a fucking crap 1992-style internet connection, I hasten to add. So what's been happening in my life? Well, I've moved away from Portsmouth - which is good. I fucking hate that place. And I've taken up road running, ditching the treadmill for the lovely outdoors. I used to think running 10k on a treader was quite good, but nowadays I tend to crank out distances of the 17-mile variety instead. How can I tell how far I've run? Well it's down to my latest gadget acquisition:

It's a Garmin Forerunner GPS watch. It's basically a watch (natch) that has GPS abilities and is tracked by a satellite so you can view, in real-time, how far you've run. Once your run is complete, you can then link it wirelessly to your PC and view your route, calories burned, distance, time, speed etc. It's a cracking little gadget although it was quite expensive. £200 actually, but I use it quite a bit so it's paid for itself. The only thing is that it doesn't like getting wet, which is a bit of a pain in the arse in England. In Winter. But when it's dry, it's brilliant.

I really love running through the countryside too, but I'm not very fond of the fucking arseholes who thunder around the pavement-less lanes of Somerset in their Volvo estates. I got hit by a deaf and dumb driver the other day whilst out running. I wasn't injured or owt, but I was wearing a bright yellow running top so I was hardly inconspicuous. Cock tried to blame me mouthing and mumbling that I should've been on the pavement, to which I replied "what fucking pavement?" Should really have poked the ugly twat in the eye, giving him the full set of sensory disabilities. Speaking of inconspicuousness, I could've done with some of it when I got caught short while out running last week - about halfway through it became apparent that I was dying for a shit and every little lane or path I ran down in my search for a decent toilet-bush had some knob walking his dog sculking about. When I did finally find a spot, I let out the most explosive watery shit I've ever experienced...but the relief was almost nirvana-like. Didn't wipe my arse though, so ran the rest of the route with a shitty crevice. That's how I roll, peeps.

What else? Oh yeah, went to yet another wedding yesterday. It was good but I'm getting a bit tired of going to these events now. Yesterday's was my fourth (yes, FOURTH) of the year and whilst I'm happy to have an excuse to go and get obscenely drunk, I'm getting a bit sick of seeing other people happily in love whilst I grow old alone and stinking of piss. Speaking of being drunk, I was yesterday. After the wedding itself there was the expected reception where a frankly unbelievable amount of free champagne, wine, beer and port was being thrown about. Not literally, you understand, but I simply couldn't control my inner alcoholic and so I (naturally) drank everything I could get my hands on. This lead, rather inevitably, to me being unable to walk after a few hours and I have only vague memories of the rest of the night's events. I do, however, remember waking up this morning feeling like a human turd and then throwing my guts up in the toilet several times until nothing but stinking bile came out. Oh, and I seem to have mislaid my brand new, 10 megapixel camera. FUCK! Hopefully, someone has handed it in to the bar at the place the private reception was held...but if not, I'll just have to wait till next payday and buy yet another one...that I can leave in a bar when I'm pissed.

I'm meant to be going to another wedding in a few weeks but I'm seriously considering making up some lame-ass excuse just to get out if it. There's only so much soft smiling and acting like you give a flying fuck that a man can fake. Great, you're getting married. And it's nice that you've found your soul mate. But let's cut the crap - when's the ceremony over? I want to get pissed and eat free food. And don't fucking judge me - everyone thinks the same way.

Oh, and my back hurts. I can't even stand up straight, so I'm walking about like the frigging Hunchback of Notre Damme at the moment . It's probably down to something that occurred last night that I can't remember. Oh well, I'm sure someone will tell me how much of a cock I was at some point.

Lastly, just to address a post I wrote several months ago - I saw Terminator Salvation the other day. I never got around to seeing it at the cinema, even though I waxed lyrical about how much I was looking forward to it - and I'm glad I didn't. What a load of shit! Crap, confusing storyline and what's with the computer generated Arnie at the end?! He didn't even look like that in the first movie - he had short hair, not Conan-style flowing locks! How the producers managed to fuck it up is beyond me, but hey. I'm contemplating going to see The Fourth Kind this week - hopefully that won't turn out to be poo. But probably will. I'm such an optimist aren't I?!

More random bullshit to come this week, fans.

The Law is an ARSE

Yesterday I nipped home from work at lunch time. I ride a bike to work, and a very nice bike it is too - it's a Carerra Subway. No suspension, no fancy bells or whistles, but it does the job and does it well. But this ain't a bike review, oh no. It's a review of the type of week I'm having: a fucking bad one.

So, like I said, I rode home from work at lunch time. So I'm cycling along a deserted street and get to the traffic lights. No cars behind me, none infront. Not even any waiting at the junction ahead to turn. But the lights are red, so like any dutiful cyclist I stop and wait for the green. I wait for another 5 MINUTES for the bastard lights to fucking change, still perched there like a bell-end on a deserted street, with no pedestrians anywhere in sight; waiting for the lights to go green.

Enough. I proceed across the deserted junction at a leisurely pace...only to spot a bright yellow blob in my periphery accompanied by "EXCUSE ME, SIR."

The fucking filth. On extremely expensive-looking mountain bikes. There was no way I could outrun them on my Subway. FUCK. They booked me for contravention of some traffic law and gave me a £30 on the spot fine for going through a red light. On a deserted road. On a fucking push-bike. What makes me even more annoyed is that at the time this jobsworth cop was writing me a ticket, a group of about 5 (obviously unemployed) scrotes shuffled past on the other side of the road clutching bottles of alcohol and jeering at me.

Justice always prevails, eh.

Self Improvement

I recently booked myself onto one of those courses that teach you how to teach other (non-English speaking) people how to speak English. It's going to cost me close to £300 when it's all paid for, but it's something I've been interested in for a while so thought "fuck it," and rang them. The actual course is called TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language - er, I think), it lasts for 3 days and it basically shows you how to construct lesson plans and give people with a basic grasp of English a bit of tutoring on how to improve their skills. The main thing about this course that interests me is the opportunity to travel to the Far East and Europe to teach once you've gained the qualification - something I'd love to do.

One of my friends has a brother who did this and he now lives in the heart of Tokyo, teaching fit Japanese birds dressed as schoolgirls and Jet Set Radio characters (I'd imagine). My jealousy can hardly be contained.

You may think this is a bit strange, what with me being in the Royal Navy and all, but to be honest I'm probably going to leaving the service in the near future. Tried it, (really, really) didn't like it - nothing more to say on the subject really...apart from "roll on freedom."

And to be frank, the fact that I'm going on this TEFL course and that I've got plans for the future is the only thing keeping me going through these dark Navy days.

In other news, I think I'm going to skip the gym and do something enjoyable tonight - like drink a few beers and play on the 360. Possibly. There's only so many times you can spend an evening waiting for the treadmill or queuing up for a go on the peck deck whilst a load of moronic Marines grunt and flex around you. Last night was just like this, and as I sat there surrounded by guys pumping their impractically large forearms in mirrors, a line from Fight Club popped into my head: "self improvement is masturbation. Now, self destruction..."

At that point I left the gym, downed a bottle of Smirnoff and cooked up a hit...

...I wish.

Adventures in Newcastle (Brown Ale)

Well I finally moved into my new gaff at the weekend, and to be honest it all went pretty smoothly. It only took me two car journeys to haul all my shit across town from my previous abode to my new place, so after I moved and sort of arranged my effects into some sort of coherent 'pile,' I went down the gym. And that's where I lay the downfall of the rest of my weekend...

Later on Saturday (after getting up at the crack of dawn, moving house, slogging it out in the gym and practically eating nothing all day), I went into town to meet some friends who were out celebrating a birthday. I started drinking Newcastle Brown Ale at 2pm. I was back in my living room, unable to walk or talk by 10pm that night after being put in a taxi by mates who were drinking such piss as Budweiser and Foster's - by the 330ml bottle I hasten to add. So to them I say this - YOU were drinking minute amounts of piss-water. I, on the other hand was downing pint bottles of Hell's own beverage. Newkie Brown - separates the men from the boys.

Apparently, I rocked up to the house with a bottle of wine (where I got it from, I still don't know) and drank it with one of my new housemates. I have vague flashbacks of this and I must've looked like a complete fuckwit spouting forth all kinds of incoherent shite to the guy. Bear in mind that this was the first time we'd met since I moved into what is effectively his house and you can see my concern. Unbeknown to me until the following afternoon, I'd also knocked over a rather large glass of the aforementioned vino tinto. All over the spotless beige carpet.

I awoke on Sunday morning with a raging hangover, unable to recall: a) how I'd got home; b) whether I'd eaten a kebab (something I plan never to do again after hearing about the recent investigation into the nutritional values of said post-pub lard-a-thon); or c) if I'd done/said anything to offend my new housemate.

You know that feeling where you can't remember if you've done something terrible whilst drunk? That's how I felt for most of Sunday. I had this disgusting knot in the pit of my stomach that was hinting that I'd carried out some heinous act of ignorance and stupidity whilst intoxicated the previous evening...but I simply couldn't recall what. It didn't help that my nose hurt (had I been fighting? with my housemate? Surely not!) and upon texting various friends about my activity I hadn't had a single reply by 6pm that evening. It must've been bad - whatever it was that I'd done.

Imagine my relief when my housemate called me saying that Saturday night had been a top laugh and all I'd done was spilt some wine. It was akin to a scenario in which the Grim Reaper opens your bedroom door whilst you're having a wank and tells you your time is up, before looking at his Blackberry, explaining that there's been a mix up and that you can carry on bashing one out over the lingerie pages of last season's Argos catalogue in peace. I was that relieved.

Oh, and I didn't throw up, piss or shit in my new room either - which is always a bonus.

Bale us out, Christian

Like most people dragging their ass though life seemingly at random, I have little to look forward to at the moment. Obviously, there's the move coming up - but apart from that the only thing in my life that takes the form of a 'goal' is the long overdue repayment of my overdraft.

I've been overdrawn with the bank since I graduated from University in 2003 - that's nearly SIX YEARS of being nearly two grand in the red with Barclays. I don't blame Barclays for this - on the contrary, unlike most people who are in debt, the only person I blame is MYSELF. I'm the one who spent a £2,000 overdraft on booze, kebabs, computer games and shit I didn't need. I honestly think more people should adopt this attitude, but I digress. Last month though, after several months of saving, I managed to pay off one of those grands and it feels like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. There's still the small matter of the remaining £900 to go, but that'll wait another 6 years. Why am I telling you this? Just to give you some sort of background to the tale of uber-anger that engulfed my this morning, to be honest.

It's like this: I'm skint and £900 overdrawn. It's the end of January and it's always fucking raining. Imagine my face when I opened a letter from O2 this morning to discover that I'd been billed £180 for internet useage via my crappy dongle - when it's only meant to be £20 per month. Apparently, this extra £160 on top of my usual £20 charge is for 'downloads and useage outside of my 3Gb quota.' BOLLOCKS!

You don't pay £180 per YEAR on some proper wired broadband deals, so how the fuck can O2 justify charging me this amount for looking at my hotmail and surfing Youtube on occasion? Apparently, they're meant to send you a little text alert when you're nearing your data limit...an alert I never received. I'm currently in the process of getting this charge refunded, but if - as I'm expecting - the cunts turnaround and say "no," I'll be straight down the small claims court faster than you can say "cancel my direct debit."

Going back to the start of this diatribe, I have actually found something I'm quite looking forward to, although there's going to be quite a wait for it: Terminator: Salvation. Here's a shot:

"He's behind you etc..."

Yep - that's Batman himself, Christian Bale, playing a grown-up John Connor battling against Skynet's finest. It's almost guaranteed to be better than Terminator 3 simply because it won't feature a half-arsed performance from Arnie California or (hopefully) feature any gaping paradox-based plot holes. Terminator 2 style, ass-kicking action-o-thon? I certainly hope so...

...Roll on July.

Oh Yeah...

Ever heard of a Rube Goldberg Machine? No? Neither had I until today. Well, actually I had - I just didn't know that that's what it was called.

A Rube Goldberg Machine is one of those things that has loads of bizarre events going on (like a candle burning through a piece of string, that in turn makes a spring-loaded boot kick a ball, that in turn turns on a fan that blows over a box that releases a balloon...etc etc etc.), but ultimately results in a rather mundane and simple task being carried out. We've all seen them in adverts for cars, dynamite and tampons* etc.

But check this awesome example out:

It's amazing isn't it?! Some of the processes involved look a bit suspect to me, but you have to applaud the inventiveness and patience the creators must have had to get it all together. If it'd been me doing it, I'm pretty sure I'd have lost my temper when the CD cases wouldn't stand up and smashed it all to bits. That's because I'm an angry twat with Satan's own temper. But enough about me and my massively and irretrievably flawed 'personality'...click here for more info on this intriguing art form.

*-confusing the latter two could be hazardous to health

I'm Outta Here!

Wahey! Only 3 days till I move now! The excitement levels, as you have probably guessed, are approaching something resembling happiness. Not true happiness you understand. No, more like the faux happiness people working in offices display in the run-up to Christmas. You, know - like when someone who has never previously acknowledged your existence suddenly starts speaking to you as you make a cup of tea in the kitchen...simply because it's nearly Christmas?

I'm straying from the point though. Let me explain my situation. As you will probably see from looking at my profile, I'm currently in the Royal Navy and as such live at a shore base. It's really not that bad and I'm sure some people currently serving onboard a ship would kill to live here...but there are a few things that really get up my nose and as such I've decided to eschew the cheap rent and relative security of the base and move into a shared house nearby.

You may think I'm a bit stupid considering the recent onset of a recession, but paying rent to a landlord is small fry when you consider the absence of things you might take for granted living in 'civvy street':

1. On the base, there are minimal kitchen facilities. Granted, there is a 'galley' that provides meals at certain times of the day, but if you'd rather not eat chips and mashed spuds for every meal (washed down with warm coloured water falsely advertised as chilled cordial), you're pretty screwed. That's because the kitchen areas provided only contain a fridge and a microwave and there are no proper cookers or ovens, so healthy eating isn't a viable option.


2. The aforementioned fridge. Because the kitchen areas are communal, everyone has to share a fridge. Put anything - anything - other than milk or margarine into this fridge and you can rest assured that it WILL be gone the next time you go to the kitchen. Once, I put a bag of shopping in the fridge and tied the handles together in a misguided attempt to deter any would-be thief. Silly me. The thief simply untied the handles, went through the food and took the items he/she wanted. Then had the fucking audacity to cook this food in the microwave (it was a microwave lasagne, just in case you were wondering), take one fork-full, decide he/she didn't actually want the whole thing and then tossed it into the goddamned bin!!! What a fucking cunt!


3. I have bought two toasters for the communal kitchen - both of which have been stolen.


4. The security staff on the gate insist that you show your ID card entering the site. Fair enough - it is a military base after all. You also have to show it going out of the gate. Why?! This means groups of people fishing around in bags/pockets/wallets etc looking for ID cards hanging around...when all they want to do is go out! I remember one occasion where I entered the site, got a phone call from a mate asking me to meet him outside, turned around literally in front of the guard...and was ordered to show my ID again before I left! I'd shown it to the guy literally TEN SECONDS beforehand!


5. The shop on the base is about 3 times as expensive as the ones just outside the gates. And the staff all have faces longer than Ruud Van Nistelrooy.

Don't get me wrong - it's not all bad, but after several months these little annoyances start to grate...so It's time to go. And like I said - only four days and counting!

eBastards

You know what really pisses me off? tHIS. wHEN YOU MISS HIT THE cAPS lOCK KEY ON YOUR KEYBOARD AND WRITE AND ENTIRE SENTENCE IN OPPOSITE CASE, LOOK UP AT THE SCREEN, REALISE WHAT YOU'VE DONE AND THEN HAVE TO RE-TYPE THE entire fucking thing!!!

But that's not what I want to bitch about right now. No, another thing that pisses me off (there are quite literally hundreds of thousands, by the way) is the random postage cost of items for sale on eBay. Why does it cost £10 to post a game or cable, yet it costs £2.50 to send a fridge freezer?! I'm exaggerating, naturally, but there's no standardisation on what sellers can charge for postage costs.

As you may have deduced, I do use eBay quite a bit and it really annoys me that people can just state random (and generally over-the-odds) amounts for the postage costs. Recently, I purchased an Xbox 360 game and the postage costs amounted to nearly a fiver, but when the thing arrived, the total cost of the stamps on the envelope came up to something like 98p. I wouldn't have minded if the game had been in a padded envelope, either - but it wasn't, it was just wrapped in brown paper. Brown paper that clearly didn't cost £3.02.

So where did my postage money go then? I'll tell you where - straight into the pocket of the arsehole who sold me the game. Hopefully it'll go towards the cost of a tin of Haze and a bottle of Shake 'n' Vac, because judging by the stench eminating from t'game the house fucking needs it.

A couple of final thoughts: why is is always written as 'eBay' when the actual logo doesn't feature a capital 'b,' and why isn't it called 'eBid'?

Hmmm...

Technological Breakdown

Hello. Thought it was about time I started a 'proper' blog. I'm pretty confident no-one is gonna give a flying toss about anything I write on this thing, but hey - it's what all the coolest kids on the block are doing these days, right? I do write on another blog - The Dreamcast Junkyard, but that's mainly just about games and stuff. This one is going to cover any random shite that I feel is worthy of writing - or blogging - about.

And there's no time like the present, so I'm going to sing the praises of my newest technological acquisition: my Sansa Clip MP3 player. It's fucking awesome. I used to have an iPod Shuffle that I used in the gym, but the piece of shit broke after a few months of use (the little metal bit inside the charging hole broke off so I couldn't charge it up with the dock anymore), so I had to go back to using my old £6.99 Aldi MP3 player. Which was fine, but it didn't have a belt clip so I had to put it in my shorts' waist band when I was on the rowing machine...which led to me having to fish around inside them when it inevitably fell into the void between shorts and underwear. Not a good look in a busy gym.

Anyway, I got this Sansa Clip 2GB from Currys at the weekend for 25 quid, and it blows the Shuffle out of the fucking stratosphere, let alone the water. It's tiny, has an FM radio and is loud as hell - perfect for drowning out the twatting Basshunter infinity loop they have on in the gym.

I'm quite into technology and stuff - especially cool little gadgets. Another top bit of kit I recently got hold of is the Flip Video Ultra. You've probably already seen one or own one, but if you're not familiar with the name, it's a super-basic video camera thing:

It's possibly the most idiot-proof piece of technology I ever clapped eyes on - it's got one massive red button on the back...press it and it records. Simple. Plug it into your PC and you can upload what you've just recorded straight onto Youtube. If you have a fucking crap net connection like me (one of those shite O2 mobile broadband dongles), it can take several millennia to upload though.

The quality of the video is really quite good, but due to compression or whatever the fuck it is, when you upload to Youtube the resolution takes a dive. It's still decent enough though. The Flip usually sells for about £100, but I managed to blag one off eBay for £30! God knows how, but it wasn't boxed and didn't come with the cable that you use to plug it into t TV.

Went to Maplin on Saturday to try and get one of those cables and the one the guy sold me doesn't work so now I'm gonna have to haul my ass all the way back over there tonight after work to get a refund. Yes, I know I'm a moaning cunt - but surely that's the whole purpose of having a blog...isn't it?!